


On Edge

by wolfern



Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: AR Febuwhump (Alex Rider), Alex is a liar, Angst, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, not as much comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:14:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29653923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfern/pseuds/wolfern
Summary: Or: Five times Ben didn't watch and one time he did.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 42
Collections: AR Febuwhump 2021





	On Edge

**Author's Note:**

> Day 23: Don't Look  
> Song - "I'm Good?" by Hilltop Hoods

Ben looked up from the report he was writing as a familiar slouching stride went past his office. He wasn’t meant to notice – doors in the Royal and General were, by policy, generally closed – but the cramped space had a tendency to madden and, upon entering his office several hours earlier, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to close the door fully.

He probably wasn’t meant to hear the beginning argument either – _“Look, you can’t just call me while I’m in an exam or expect me to answer…” –_ cut off abruptly as the doors of the lifts closed. But he was a spy. Noticing was what he did.

Thus, when Alex Rider exited the Royal and General an hour later, Ben was waiting for him.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“What brings you in today?”

A sardonic eyebrow. “The great company and good vibes.”

Ben grinned. “Great company, and you didn’t even drop in to see me?”

He was rewarded with an eye-roll. 

“New mission?” He said eventually.

“What do you think?”

“Well, I thought it was the great company and good vibes…”

This time he got a huff of amusement.

“Is it going to add to my paperwork?”

“Depends. You’re not my handler are you?”

“Do you get handlers?”

“There’s a first time for everything.”

Devoid of a response, Ben settled for nodding slowly.

“I guess MI6 think I’ve already got a _handle_ on things.”

Now rolling _his_ eyes, Ben clapped a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “Alex, you’ve outgrown your puns. Your only hope now is dad jokes, but you’re too young for that still. Unless –” He felt a shudder under his hand, and stifled a chuckle.

“That’s not even funny, Ben. Leave the jokes to me.”

“What, there’s no one you’ve got your eyes on?”

“The only eyes I have are the eyes MI6 wants on –”

“Don’t tell me – it’ll just make more paperwork.”

Alex shrugged Ben’s hand off his shoulder. “I should let you get back to that.” He took a few steps away, and half-turned. “See you ‘round.”

“See you.” Ben watched him walking slowly towards the Tube station. “Hey,” he called out. “Good luck with your exams!”

He was rewarded with a hand raised in acknowledgement.

* * *

The next time Ben noticed Alex was at the shops about a month later. He was in the freezer section trying to decide whether he should actually make dumplings for his date, or just buy frozen and claim he made them. Or just come clean.

He noticed Alex, a lone figure staring at the frozen meals, a rock in the stream of mums-and-their-children-just-finished-school, and city-workers-finishing-work. The boy – adult – gazed at the colourful packages as if they were alien apparatuses.

“Hey,” Ben said. He ignored Alex’s startled recoil. “Living the college life, huh? When I was your age I was eating tinned carrots for dinner. My specialties were tomato sauce sandwiches and bouillon cube ‘soup’ in a cup.”

“Hah,” said Alex softly, and then he grinned. “Well since you’re in the freezer section too, I’m assuming nothing much has changed? How are you?”

Ben smiled, raising his hand in a see-saw ‘so-so’. “I should be asking you that – you looked so intent; I don’t think you’re going to find your destiny in a TV dinner.”

“I’m good,” said Alex. “And I was actually just trying to figure out which of these my housekeeper used to buy.”

“Missing the food of your childhood? You better make sure you’re not regressing.”

“She was terrible at cooking but she didn’t want my uncle to fire her so she’d do all these elaborate ruses to hide that she was buying the food premade. I think he knew anyway. He’d have had to.”

“Oof. Bit harsh of you.”

Alex had a slight smile on his face. “There were a lot of things she didn’t know how to do. I don’t think she really meant to become a housekeeper in the first place. But when she got the job and me to take care of, she made sure I was alright.”

“That was good of her.”

“Mmm.” Abruptly, Alex seemed to remember where he was. “Anyway, it’s almost dinner.”

“Oh – ” Ben remembered his date – and the dumplings (frozen it would have to be). He looked at the time. “Shit – ah – anyway, good to see you again, happy to hear everything’s alright –”

“Likewise,” said Alex.

“Anyway, see you later – and I personally recommend the smiley potatoes – they were always my favourite –” Ben grabbed his dumplings from the freezer, pointed at the smiley potatoes and began to lope away.

“Thanks – hey, where’re the bags of ice by the way?”

“Uh, what do you need them for?”

“… Booze.”

“Nice. Um, I think they’re over there –” Ben gestured vaguely in the general direction.

“Cool, thanks.”

In his hurry, Ben didn’t notice Alex’s limp as he headed towards the ice.

* * *

Ben bumped into Alex – literally – on the train going back to Liverpool from London. He hadn’t recognised him at first, Alex’s manner disinvited notice, and thus recognition. But it wasn’t a busy train, and it was Ben’s job to recognise people. The boy hadn’t been looking where he was going – had been looking back towards the station platform, and Ben had stopped suddenly for an elderly lady to pass, and then suddenly Alex was moving around him and down the train.

Startled for a moment only, Ben followed.

Two carriages on, and suddenly Alex stopped and spun around in a roundhouse kick. Ben stepped backwards, and it was only his raising of his briefcase – reinforced by Smithers – that stopped his midsection from receiving the strike.

“ _Fuck –”_ Alex stumbled back, leg almost giving way beneath him. Ben, who had dropped his briefcase from certain heights and had once even left it in a car that was subsequently crushed at a wrecking yard, wasn’t surprised. He was surprised Alex immediately moved into a defensive crouch and seemed to assess his next attack, before looking up at Ben.

“Fuck,” said Alex again, relaxing his posture and standing straight again. He was still favouring his left leg, Ben noted. “I think you broke my foot,” said Alex.

“You’re the one that kicked my briefcase.”

“You’re the one that was following me! Why were you following me?”

“You bumped into me getting on the train –”

“Well you were in the way… Why didn’t you say something?”

Ben paused. “I didn’t know if you’d stop.”

Alex looked to the side. “Why wouldn’t I,” he said. He looked back at Ben and smiled. “Going home?”

“Yeah.”

“Long day?”

“Yeah –”

“Yeah, same.” Alex laughed. “I’m just meeting up with some friends. We were going to go on a road trip. Camping.”

“Huh,” said Ben, bemused. “Bit late to set out now?”

Alex laughed again. “Yeah. Had a few chores I forgot about. Anyway, probably better I took the train instead of the car. Don’t know if I could have lasted that long. Especially with Tom.”

Ben forced his face to relax. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah – you haven’t met Tom but I think he was created in a lab and they spilt some coffee in the test tube.”

“Bit energetic is he?”

“Only how an atomic bomb is a bit flashy.”

This time, Ben genuinely laughed. Alex’s grin talking about Tom was infectious and soon Ben found himself talking about Eagle and the time the sniper had gotten the idea to have their very own K-Unit New Year’s Firework Extravaganza. The Sergeant had loved _that._

Before long, they’d arrived at Liverpool. Talking with Alex – well, Ben had ended up talking the most; Alex had seemed to enjoy hearing the stories of K-Unit and Ben’s family and Ben didn’t often get to talk with non-colleagues who nevertheless had enough clearance for such topics – had been enjoyable, and the trip felt much shorter than it usually did.

“Hey, can I give you a lift to wherever your friends are?” Ben said as they stepped off the train.

Alex looked around at the station. “No, I’ll be alright. They said they’d pick me up from here.”

“Well if you’re sure…? I’ve parked just outside. Do they know when you were meant to arrive?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. I let them know we were arriving.” Alex waved his phone. “Say hi to Luke for me.”

Ben didn’t know why he was so reluctant to leave Alex at the station. It was just getting to dusk outside, and there were still a lot of people around. It wasn’t as if Alex was unsafe, or a kid. He could handle himself. “Well, okay,” he said eventually.

“Great,” smiled Alex.

“We should talk some more. I enjoyed it,” said Ben.

“Definitely!” Alex said.

“Well, see you later,” Ben said, and turned away.

* * *

Ben did meet Tom, eventually. It was the week approaching Valentine’s Day, and Ben was just starting to feel a little sorry for himself – the frozen dumplings hadn’t been a hit and probably even homemade dumplings wouldn’t have gone far – when he received a letter.

_Hi, s_ aid the letter, _I’m Alex’s friend. It’s his birthday coming up and we want You to be there! Lots of thanks, Tom._

There was a hand-drawn picture of a dinosaur in a party hat pointing sternly out of the page.

_PS. Bring the rest of the zoo._

Alex’s birthday was February 13.

Ben didn’t have a gift.

It felt weird to attend the birthday party of a kid ten years his junior and not a cousin. But there had to be a reason he’d been sent the letter. Maybe Alex had meant it when he’d agreed they should talk more often. Ben had meant it when he’d said it, but the days got so busy and he’d taken to closing the door to his office to ward out the noise distracting him from his paperwork, and, well, he hadn’t seen the kid for a while. It wasn’t as if Alex had sought Ben out himself, anyway.

Conflicted, Ben called Eagle.

“Heyo my matey, what can I do for you?”

Ben rolled his eyes.

“I’ve got a birthday.”

“Yeah, so do I. So do we all. What of it?”

“A party. A birthday party.”

“…Now?”

“In a few days.”

“Wrong time of the year, isn’t it?”

“Not mine! Alex’s. Cub’s. He’s invited me to his birthday. And you guys too.”

For once, Eagle was silent. “Why’d he invite you?”

“I don’t know.”

They were both silent thinking about the kid. Who wasn’t really so much of a kid nowadays, come to think of it. Ben wondered what he did outside of MI6. Did he have another job? What was he studying?

“Well we should go, I guess,” said Eagle, who had never turned down a party.

“Should we? I don’t have a gift.”

“We can get one – how old is he?”

“I don’t know.”

Ben could hear Eagle’s frown through the phone. “Call Snake.”

So Ben did.

* * *

The party hadn’t lasted long. Apart from K-Unit, there had been a couple of others around Alex’s age, Alex himself, and Tom. It had soon become clear that K-Unit knew Alex even better than the others did – Tom excluded – and that wasn’t saying much. Wolf wasn’t much for socialising, and even Eagle and Snake were at a loss of what to do. Eventually they’d thanked Tom for inviting them, tracked Alex down where he was loitering in a corner – in his own home! – and left. They’d debriefed at Snake’s local pub and agreed next time they probably shouldn’t go. If there was a next time.

Ben saw Alex again in Mrs Jones’ office. They both stood before her desk like a pair of schoolchildren ready to be disciplined. Alex was as blank as he’d been at his birthday party.

“You’re going on a mission together. As brothers...”

It was a standard sort of mission: clandestine infiltration, information collection; get in, get out. It was a little longer than usual and in Tbilisi, a region in which Ben had little experience. Alex seemed confident, though, as far as Ben could tell.

As they exited the office, Ben turned to Alex.

“Hey, sorry for leaving your party so early.”

“That’s alright –”

“And thanks for inviting us.”

“It was Tom’s idea. I didn’t know he’d done that.”

“How did he even get my address?”

Did Alex miss a step, or was it because they were turning a corner?

“I gave it to him in case of emergencies. Sorry it wasn’t an emergency.”

“That’s alright.” They came to the lift, and Ben pressed the button to Smithers’ floor. “I wouldn’t want to only see you at times of emergency.” He didn’t mention the question of why Ben would be his emergency contact. Maybe it was because Alex knew him best out of people at MI6. Working for MI6 came with problems only MI6 could solve sometimes. “Are you doing alright?”

Alex gave him such a confused look Ben was sorry he’d asked. But he kept his enquiring face on. “Yeah, why? You doing alright yourself?”

“Yeah – just thought maybe you’d be unhappy going on a mission and all. Isn’t it term time..?”

Alex laughed and Ben relaxed. “I’ve come to terms with it, and I think my professors have as well. Don’t worry, I’ve been doing a ton of these little jobs now. They’re almost routine –” He cut himself off as they reached Smithers’ office.

As they were greeted by the gadget master, it was clear the man was fond of Alex, and Ben could see in Alex’s responses that the feeling was mutual. Alex was in good hands – he had support at MI6. 

He did shout a bit during the mission when it got a bit hairy – someone recognised Alex, and standard intelligence-collection became more an escape from kidnap and certain torture – but it was important and he was sure Alex knew and agreed it was a bit of a tense time. Tempers were sure to fray a bit. And when they finally arrived back at the Royal and General, Ben was keen to just go home and wash off the stink of the mission, that after they had debriefed, he said a quick goodbye to Alex, promised he’d sort the paperwork tomorrow, and caught a taxi to the train.

* * *

Months passed. Ben did the paperwork for the mission, and several other missions besides. He kept his door closed, and completed his work on time. His parents were happy with how often he visited them, and his brother graduated university with a Master’s degree.

K-Unit hung out occasionally at Snake’s local pub, and sometimes they brought up the strange party they’d been invited to. But not often.

It was an oppressive day in June and Ben’s office air-conditioner had broken, so he’d left his door open for once. He was intent on the report he was filing – a mission as a private tutor for the daughter of an architect who just happened to be donating large amounts to a radical militaristic movement – when a familiar flash of blonde and stride crossed his doorway. Ben stared after the glimpse for a few seconds, and then returned to his report.

The daughter was bullied at school. She’d confessed as much to Ben who hadn’t known what to say. It was awful luck that her father was the man he was. She wanted to study international relations and futilely spent her few conversations with her father trying to convince him he was voting for the wrong party.

Ben was getting lost in what he was writing. The text swam before his eyes. He leaned back and stretched his arms above his head, sighing at the crack in his shoulders and neck.

He looked back at the report. He’d lost his momentum.

He needed a break.

Locking the computer, he stood up and left the sweltering office.

He didn’t know what brought him to the unobtrusive door that led to some stairs that went to the roof. Maybe it was a subconscious searching for light, for the highest point, like an insect crawling on a twig.

When he got to the top, it took him a moment to realise that Alex was also on the roof.

The sun was in front of them both, making Ben squint as he looked at the kid who was a metre back from the edge.

He must have made a sound. It must have been Alex’s preternatural senses, forged from so many years working for MI6, in constant danger, on constant lookout for unfavourable attention.

Alex turned his head.

Even with his eyes adjusting to the light, Ben couldn’t make out the expression on Alex’s face.

“Oh, it’s you,” said the kid. “Sorry.”

“What are you –”

“Don’t look.”

It took a while for Ben to react.


End file.
